Friday, May 07, 2004

Isn't it amazing what computers can do?
Why yes!
That's a bit like saying "isn't it amazing what a toolkit can do?" or, "isn't it amazing what a tube of oilpaint can do?"

Last time I looked at my computer, it seemed to do a pretty good job of being a giant paperweight - with the exception of a lack of paper underneath it.

But seriously.
Working in an effects department, where "computers do amazing things", I long to suddenly discover the magical key shortcut that will enable my computer to ascertain which elements (images, frames, film footage) to use, which of the 42 available computers to get them from, how long the shot is, the resolution, the scale, the framerate, the output file... and which elements require additional blue/green screening (my co-worker would like one that detects all wires and grips and unneccesary human parts), and maybe while I'm at it, I will verbally instruct the computer to build me a dinosaur, run it about a bit, and composite it (with perfect colour matching, by the way), into my shots.

Then I shall go away, verbally instruct the coffee machine to make me an extra frothy light chocolate milk, and after I finish drinking it, I can go home, satisfied in the knowledge that none of the shots will come back for "re-do", or "additional stuff" at the eleventh hour.

Meanwhile I'm going to punch a random sequence of keys in the hope that I find that magical "do everything for me" shortcut.

Computers... "wow."


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